....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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