I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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