awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
