I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
