her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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