no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
