yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
