That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
