just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
