The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
