it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
