Swine flu. Run for my life!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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