Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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