sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
