oh god the rape fog is back!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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