The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
