It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
