I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
not ubering you a puppy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
