you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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