Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
