Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
