You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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