Already got asked if we're dating
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize