i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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