Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
