I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
