if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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