Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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