I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
