I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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