Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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