it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are all done wearing pants today
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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