North Korea, Best Korea!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
