He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
