So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
