You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
