Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When are your genitals available?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
