im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
