im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
