therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
