college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
