There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
