I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
