I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
