Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
