you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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