dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
