I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
