Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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