he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
