Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
