Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
