We won't sleep together?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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