i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
