You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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