So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dear god my vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
