yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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