My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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