So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he fucked my hip out of place.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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