So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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