I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
