i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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