I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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