Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
