thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
