I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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