I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even my vagina gasped.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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