is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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