Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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