the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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