from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it hurts more in the daytime
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
