I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
