life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
