I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
