saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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