I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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