Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
