I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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