i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
