ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
