I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
