if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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