i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
