Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
