i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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