I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
