Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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