People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize