"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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