We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
